I would love to hear some of the funny stuff you have all heard over the years. I used to save up funny things the docs said, and the goof-ups that we made, and type them up for the annual Christmas party. Here's a couple for you:

1. Due to the patient's allergies, I recommend strict elimination of cats from the diet. (He meant from the bedroom!)

2. This little boy's testicle still has not come down. We could not bring it down today, even though we tried, and tried, and tried.

Anyone?

Ada

Ada,
Great thread!

The most recent one I can remember (I know more will come to me later):

During dictation of an operative report, the doctor said: "The pathology report came back as showing a very serious condition" Hmmm... I wonder what kind of surgery/treatment/chemotherapy is used for a "very serious condition"???

Oh, and one of my favorite docs, a urologist (he dictates like he is having a conversation with me), said: "The patient had trouble when he went to pee". Of course he immediately corrected himself and had a little chuckle. I love it when they add a personal touch.

That's all that comes to mind right now but looking forward to hearing more from others
Jeany

Jeany,

Hee-hee! Very good. I love the "very serious condition." I had a doc last night say, "Oh, please send a copy of that to Dr. Mackey. That's M-A-C-K-E-Y, (then he sings), M-O-U-S-E! Like the Mousketeers. I also like it when they talk to me.

Here's another one: "This little girl has had a fever of 202 degrees." I think that is also known as COOKED! -Ada

This should be a great topic!

The most recent one that comes to mind for me - (this was at the end of a very long tape ) "next is dictation on XXXXX, it's a letter to um, um, nobody" rather than his usual phrase of "this will be a note for the chart" Of course by that point of the evening, I was a bit slap happy anyway, so it just cracked me up. Another doctor likes to use the term "that right leg" with emphasis on "that". I always have this vision in my head of somebody trying to determine exactly which right leg is presenting problems for the patient! I have another doctor that gets tickled when she messes up during her dictation (patient name, date, or just plain tongue-tied) and always makes a comment about it and laughs. She always acknowledges that there really is somebody listening to the tape - she starts with "good morning" or whatever the holiday may be celebrated such as "hope you had a happy Cinco de May". It's nice to know that the doctor's are human too and show some appreciation for the work!

Oh, THAT right leg!! I was wondering which one! I had a doc once that would always say things like "this boy has a lot of green gooeys in his right nose." Once he said, "If his hands are really clean, he may squeeze the most pregnant of his zits." Yuck! Sometimes he would just get distracted and start a dictation like, "Ah, this is on...(click)...okay, um...(click)...ah, period. Um, ah, period. (Click) Okay! This is on John Doe...ah...period. Period. Um...period." Other times, after dictating he would forget to turn it off and I would hear him put it in his bag and listen to him ride his bike home, greet his wife, etc. I was always afraid that I would hear something I shouldn't, but afraid to turn it off for fear he would eventually finish the dictation and I would miss it!

[This message has been edited by Ada (edited 25 June 1999).]

I was typing an ER note today and got so tickled. This 10-year-old boy went fishing and he caught a big catfish. He decided to dropkick the fish. I got so tickled about this little boy dropkicking a fish. Anyway, the fish got him back because a bone stuck into the little boy's foot. Of course, I felt bad about that but thought it was funny about him dropkicking that fish.

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I have collected "doctor funnies" for years. We used to post them for newsletters in a few of the hospitals I have worked in. Eventually, I got most of the other MT's doing it too. Here are a few:

The patient was followed for a week with a stone.

The patient was placed on the floor, where he was not very comfortable.

The patient is a **-year-old, white widowed male. He lives with his wife.

The patient lives here in the lake.

The patient has difficulty with his wife's relations. (This was regarding a problem impotence).

These always crack me up, and I will chuckle all day thinking of a new one I have heard that day... hehehehe

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SgrmtnHoneybee

Sometimes while proofing something I've typed, I'll come across a mistake I've made and just thank God no one else saw it first! Example: Once I was typing on a little girl who was doing poorly in school.

"This little girl's reading skills are below grade level and her speeling is relatively poor."

Eek!!

I once worked in a hospital where students from the local college did their MT internship in our office. We had to check and correct their work. On more than one occasion, I had to leave the office to keep from cracking up in front of the student. Here are a few.

Dict: The wound was closed with 0 chromic catgut.

Trans: The wound was closed with Oklahoma catgut.

Dict: The patient was referred to Dr. Sexauer for definitive treatment.

Trans: The patient was referred a sex hour for definite treatment.

Dict: The culture grew out two different organisms.

Trans: The culture grew out two different orgasms.

These are the three that stuck in my mind. Wonder why!!! They would be hard to forget.

The two good one's I had this past week were "the patient is to drink plenty of clear water" the doctor then laughed and stated she hoped the patient always drinks clear water! The other one was an elderly female patient that had fallen and suffered several bruises, one of which was on her right breast. The doctor dictated "breasts were symmetrical with good range of motion" She then clarified that she meant she had good range of motion of her upper and lower extremities! At least these little slip-ups they make can give us all a little chuckle throughout the day!

Just a few more funnies.......

"ducks" used for ducts

"cabbage" used for CABG

1. Do MT Agencies or outsourcing MT organisations in USA, hire only female MT's for their In-house or at home Mt work??? Please advise.
2. Do male MT's outnumber female MT's or is it vice-versa. What is the ratio ???
3. I assume - for 2nd shift (3.00 noon to 11 pm shift) & sometimes even maybe 3rd shift, Male MT's are preferred anywhere, in the UK or US. Please advise.
Need replies from experienced MT's to my Queries posted on 23rd and 24th August.
Waiting for replies. Thanks and waiting for replies. Will appreciate replies from Somara too.

I had two today that made me wonder if the doctors pay any attention to what they are saying sometimes:

Reason for consultation: Gunshot wound to the head.

Trauma history: The patient has no trauma history and no history of head injury.

(I guess a gunshot wound is not traumatic?)

Reason for consultations: Seizures

Past medical history: The patient has no history of seizures or syncopal episodes.

??? Hmmmm... Maybe they were imagined? hehehehehehe

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SgrmtnHoneybee




[This message has been edited by SgrmtnHoneybee (edited 24 August 1999).]

Here's a couple that struck me funny today!

The patient lives at home with a wife. (one would only hope that it is his own wife and not someone else's, eh?)

He weighs eighty-one hundred and fifty-two pounds. (Jeeze, how did they get him to the hospital, by crane?)

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SgrmtnHoneybee

Had a funny one tonight.

"This 89-year-old male was brought to the ER by his mother."

Boy, I hope she wasn't doing the driving!!


[This message has been edited by Diane (edited 04 September 1999).]

How about "the patient does not smell,I mean smoke." Makes you wonder if the patient really did smell!

Here's a good one :

One of the doctor's includes a copy of the patient information sheet with their past medical history, etc to save dictating time. One of the questions is "married, single, widowed, divorced" and the patient had actually marked "married and single". The best part of it is the fact that I am very good friends with the patient's ex-wife! No wonder she dumped him!

Hi...I am new here but have found this topic comical. Thanks for the laughs. I thought I would share one of my doctor's funnies...he always says "child flew ass over tea kettle" when he is talking about a child who flew over the handle bars of their bike.
: )
Angela

The accent did this transcriptionist in...

Dictated: The patient had anal herpes.

Transcribed: The patient had anal hairpiece!

I just cried when I heard this one!

Laughs to all!

Our office received back an OR report stating that the patient "was prepped and raped in the usual fashion".

Geez!! Those spelling mistakes can really cause a problem, can't they?!!

a couple of my favorites were...

the patient had no loose.....change in his stools

and

"the patient's diet consisted of 2 oz. of cartilage (Coffee Rich)